The clock is ticking faster now

They say that the last day before they leave for tour is the hardest. I was bracing myself all month for how hard yesterday would be. I found yesterday pretty hard but I thought that I had escaped yesterday being worst than any other day until he said goodnight. There it was. All of the hardness of one day packed into our nightly word ritual. I could not fight the destructive thoughts in my head about this being the last time in a very long time that I will actually get to feel his body pressed up against mine as he says those words that I sometimes take for granted. I think back to those nights when I did not embrace those words and I would love to go backwards and re-live every single one of them. He holds me tighter and knows me well as he asks me not to cry too long. My emotional and physical exhaustion took over the tears quickly and before I knew it I was waking up with him beside me.

I feel unprepared. I am haunted by every last detail that we did not bother to finish. I feel like I should be sitting here writing him a letter to take on the plane tonight about all of the feelings I know that I will not be able to say. I will get to it.

The clock is ticking faster now. Its as if I am doing a five km run at gun point to get to the bed of hot coals. Pain is inevitible. Maybe when my feet are burnt from the hot coals I will get distracted from the burning sensation that stretches from my stomach to the back of my throat. I am told by others that this will go away and I trust them.

At 10pm tonight he will taken from my arms because he is needed somewhere else. I trust in his training and his abilities and I am confident that he will come home safely when the world is just a little bit better because of him and what he does. My faith is a lot stronger in times like this and I believe that he will be taken care of.

Life.Army.Love