From one test to another

I feel exhausted in too many ways to count right now.

Yesterdays appointment at the hospital was less than desirable. So far all I know is that there are mild abnormal cells. The wait begins for more results from the biopsy. They told me that its possible that this will heal itself or if it does not and it increases to moderate abnormal cells then it is time for cell removal.

I have put my road test off for years and today is the day that I will actually suck it up and go and try to get my licence. I have mixed emotions about this. One part of me thinks that I will pass with flying colors and the other part of me is extremely nervous to be driving with someone that is not going to warn me of any oncoming dangers. Either way I need my freedom. My appointment is at 3pm so we plan to drive for hours in traffic to get me warmed up for my road test.

I really can't believe how fast time is going. The army is taking him away so soon. I do not cry every hour or even daily. Am I in denial or have I reached acceptance? Has the army toughened me up to the point that I come to accept the inevitable? Honestly, I don't think so. Everyone around me will probably get a front row seat to my unraveling as this week unfolds. The unit family BBQ, my birthday "celebrations", thanksgiving and our anniversary.

I feel so numb and high strung at the same time. The doctor says that it will take about a week for me to heal from the biopsy and this irritates me because the timing really could not be any worse. I think I have caught the latest cold or flu bug that is floating around and my head feels so clogged and fuzzy. I am anxious about this road test and I just hate how much it bothers me.

I am off to review the road test book and get a shower so I am ready to go practice driving when he wakes up.

Wish me luck.


Life.Army.Love